Monday, October 27, 2008


I miss my family!

This was taken a while ago, I have since lost a lot of weight and Joe has gained some (healthy boy) But this is my side of the family. I get to go home next month for Alisha's wedding, I am excited, I wish Joe could come with me, not that I am afriad of traveling alone, I just haven't done it. I am also excited that I will not be pregnant in Alisha's wedding pics., because for the last two family weddings I was pregnant, so I hate me in the family pics. so it is an exciting fact that it isn't possible for this one.


Saturday, October 25, 2008

Body Issues

This last semester (summer) I started off with a really bad two weeks, a doctors appointment in which we were told our baby had no heartbeat, the next week we had a D&C, a lump removed from my hand then that Sunday I ended up in the ER with gastrointeritis. Then Monday Joe got it. I had a hard semester, I worked my butt off and it paid off, my grades showed it. I noticed that I had pretty much no self esteem, I worked hard and stayed quiet in my classes and shy in percussion ensemble. This semester my percussion ensemble intructor noticed, he told me a couple days before the concert that he hadn't had to tell me to play louder this semester and I was doing good and seemed to be more confident. His comment got me thinking.

I still have a lot to deal with, I need to accept myself a little more, I accept our situation but I blame myself so much. I have absolutely no desire to be pregnant (ever at this point) I am completely okay with adopting. Being okay with this doesn't solve my body issues. I had a lot wrong with me that was fixed through surgeries, but for some reason I still miscarry. A reason unknown to us or our doctors. Getting pregnant terrifies me, because our pregnancies don't equal babies, our pregnancies all end in.... well.. death. I don't want to live being afraid of getting pregnant, and I am so tired of losing babies.

Because of all this I have had issues liking my body, it just seems to cause so much trouble. I had trouble liking my body, because of all the pregnancies with surgeries in between, I had gained a lot of weight which made me unhappy. I have been working on losing the weight and working out and it has changed my body, I have lost weight and : 2 of the 3 pant sizes that I had gained, about 6 inches from my waist, my collar bones are visible, and I have gained a ....wait for it...a butt (hee hee) I have never really had a butt before and doing squats has changed that, lol. My skinny jeans are waiting anxiously in the closet, I am so close to being able to wear them again.

But being skinnier feels great I feel like I look good and that it wonderful,the measuring tape has become my friend, but I still feel broken, my body still doesn't work the way it should. But today I found something that helped me with my body. This:

I am the hour glass shape,yes, my husband tells me I am but this chart proved it, I was more of a rectangle while I was chubby but with my shunken (and still shrinking) waistline I am an hour glass, I like this fact.
I share all this because that it has been on my mind lately and I just wanted to share it.


Poll results

So I kept looking at our side bar and feeling guilty that I hadn't revealed anything after the poll had closed. We were waiting until we could break the news to our parents first. Nothing is set in stone but Joe has applied to the Lithia Honda location in Kennewick Washington. Yes, that is my hometown, but that actually had very little to do with the decision to apply for that location. We REALLY wanted to be in Boise, that way we could be halfway between both of our families. Then we were thinking seriously about Springfield Oregon. Then we got in contact with the man that gave Joe the job offer and talked about all these locations and he suggested Kennewick that it is one of the locations that he is over and it is really the best choice for us right now. Then the more we thought about it the better we felt. We feel that Kennewick is the place for us. We should be hearing soon from Lithia.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Oh happy Friday!

Usually thursday is my favorite day, becuase it is followed by a Friday. Friday isn't the favorite becuase if it's a bad day you wasted a perfectly good Friday. But yesterday was a crazy crazy concert day. So today better be good! :)

I woke up this morning with that happy but sore feeling, I almost forgot why I would be sore until I reminded myself of yesterday's events, and the fact I spent 7 1/2 hours playing the drums, and 5 hours before being a college student. Then a date with Momma Mecham, Jessica, Leann, Lasandra and Joe (of course) and two cookie monsters from Craigos, which quickly disappeared. Then shower and sleep, then a short few hours later I wake to the beeping of an alarm clock and time to get back to being a student, a lot of reading one class today (the other one is canceled for our test) meet with my partner to put together our presentation, and take a test then I can come home and clean it, becuase well the poor place has been so neglected this week and needs some attention. Then I can participate in a well earned nap, hopefully with the satisfying feeling of a clean house, clean clothes and a happy husband.


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Concert TONIGHT!!!

I have my percussion ensemble concert tonight, I am way excited ,and a little nervous because I will know a lot of people in the audience. But it will be amazing!!!


Monday, October 20, 2008

Second Chances

I put up a post in frustration, pain and anger. I apologize to anyone who may have read it and been offended. Thanks W.

So I'll try again, I'll try to explain the situation and our feelings better than I did previously. The subject is pregnancy. To begin, I am a firm believer that no one should ask a couple when or if they're going to have kids- this is a matter left up entirely to them and the Lord, and they should not have to justify their personal decision, becuase it is not one else's business.

Now with that out of the way, being part of a big family is hard (we both come from big extended families) especially when you have had trouble starting your own family, we understand that some members of our family are going to start families of thier own, we now this and we fully accept this fact.

We have two cousins who are pregnant. This fact is a wonderful miracle for both of them and we offer our congratulations to B & C. We appreciated the way B told us her news. However C has not broken the news to us and we find it difficult to find a way to offer our congrats. We found out she is expecting over a month ago from a person who lived in the same town, however we knew long ago.

The problem and the painful part came about Saturday evening, we attended a family function, while we do love our family and family get togethers we found this one unpleasant. We felt left out of a secret that we already know, we know that sometime, somewhere the news was broken and then our of consideration for our feelings as the couple in the family who has had so much trouble starting our family, we were left out of this and we found that those in attendance were avoiding us and avoiding conversation with us, we were the recipiants of ackward glances and subjected to pregnancy talk in hushed tones. This hurt us deeply. We noticed this and felt it's impact.

We appreciate the concern for our feelings, we appreciate honesty more, we felt lied to and outcast. This ackwardness isn't necessary, while the announcement of pregnancy will bring up some pain on our part, we would rather hear the announcement and participate in celebrating with the family we love. We have no problems talking about families and hearing about pregnancy, but please be open about it with us if you are going to be open with the family that surrounds us. We have done our level best to make sure that our personal feelings do not interfere with family functions and that we attend those that we are invited to, but please do understand that sometimes we find them painful, we have not outwardly shown our emotions, we have made an enormous effort to mask them and make the best of every situation.

Thanks for listening.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


On Saturday John won his 6th grade Football championship, we were there to see it, it was awesome! A game well played!

Saturday evening Dustin was in a marching band competition, and the band took 1st place- awesome, wish we could have been there!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

And the award goes to....

Wendy! You are our number one commenter and we LOVE IT!!!!! you get a golden star! :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The tale of two Brains

This is a video we watched in my building an eternal marriage class I thought that I would put it here for you all to enjoy:


Monday, October 13, 2008

The sum of a full week

I didn't work all week- I took time off because I had a nasty cold (not one that would be good to share with the elderly) I am glad I didn't work, I had a lot of homework, I spent a lot of time at home all wrapped up working on homework.

Wednesday: I finally got my approval for my major so I could put in my graduation application
Thursday: I turned in my GRADUATION Application, it is stamped and filed- so much better than just filled out and waiting. Now on to Joe's, and yes, we have all the paperwork, now we just have to do it!
Gma Johnson (Robison) called she and Bill were in town and we were lucky enough to have the time to go and visit with Gma and Bill. We were there when Shelly and Malerie shoed up and it was great to reconnect with them (or for Joe to connect with for the first time). We had so much fun spending time with family we see so little of.
Friday: we had a temple date with friends, they called us up and invited us to go and do a sealing session with them, I hadn't done that before and was totally up for it. Our group was a wonderful and friendly group and our sealing was funny and informative, he spoke really fast too, so we got through a lot of names. While doing those sealings I couldn't help but think that someday we'd be in a sealing room with our children, becoming an eternal family, and it was a real blessing to do that for those families. I want to go back soon and do that again.
Saturday: It snowed!! That means that in Rexburg we have had a grand total of three months this year without snow.. yes it did snow in June! (July- September = snow free) I can't wait to move! Don't misunderstand I do love the snow, but not Rexburg snow.
We had another date, we tried to invite our neighbors over for scones, they were having a date and wanted to borrow our movie, so we compromised and we joined them with our movie and scones. It was a lot of fun!
We are so thankful for our friends!

Today is the beginning of another week, another week closer to graduation, another week closer to completing paperwork, another week closer to Joe graduating, another week closer to moving on after college life.

Another poem

I was deep in thought on sunday and wrote some phrases down and later organized them. So here it is:

We question God, we ask him why
why did our babies have to die?
We have so much love to give,
why couldn't our babies live?
We struggle- are we unworthy?
I undergo more surgery.
A doctor looks inside,
I want to hide,
my dear husband, he does his best
he shows me love and he helps me rest.
We are trying to cope
and learning to hope.
We wonder what we have to learn,
what do we need to pass the test?
Somewhere our children cheer
our time is getting near.
Somewhere our children are growing,
they are, without us knowing.


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My sister

This is my sister's announcement, I just got done designing it. I am very excited for her wedding coming up next month!