Recent happenings

Another note from "E" (girl, 7 yrs. old)

P.S. I never knew that song anyway.  :)

*giggles!*

Her mother told me that after her field trip to the dairy farm,

 the first thing she said was "It smelled! Just like Shaylee told me it would!"

My students are wonderful!  

 My view from the parking lot after work one night. 

Sunrise at cable bridge, while on Clover Island.

We were volunteering for Girls on the Run.

One of Joseph's many Lincoln Log Creations,

this one was supposed to be taller than my mom, it was!

My favorite shoes of the moment, hooray for Kohl's Clearance!

Fact: I wore them yesterday, and Sunday and...

That's it for today,

busy busy week.

My last full week of work,

performance this saturday @KeHS graduation

+ lots of running around town picking up things 

like balloons, cakes, flowers and programs.

Sunday = Seminary Graduation

When infertility strikes

I stumbled across this article on resolve.org, click here for the full article, it is a great article about how infertility effects families, so here is my summary of the article.

Infertility is widely acknowledged as a crisis for individuals and couples, it is less recognized as a trauma that impacts their families. Yet, involuntary childlessness is an inter generational crisis that has the ability  to strain, even damage, family relationships overtime by impairing  communications and interactions. Invisible losses, such as miscarriages, failed medical treatments, or adoptions gone awry may highlight a family's inadequate means of dealing with problems. However, the family experience of infertility also has the potential to bring out the best in the family system, promoting growth and well-being.

Some families faced with infertility grow closer and find ways to provide support, compassion, and understanding in the midst of the maelstrom of profound loss and despair. These families are able to handle the myriad or negative emotions of infertility, and weather the pain of its many losses.

Involuntary childlessness is an interruption of the family life cycle. Family building is a developmental stage that represents generate ugh or fostering the next generation. Infertility is the obstacle blocking these normal transitions  and preventing family members from assuming new developmental roles. (roles like grandparent, parent, aunt & uncle). Interruption of Normal life cycles can highlight a family's unique flaws, precipitating negative behaviors such as parental favoritism, poor communication, and /or unhealthy coping strategies. In short infertility has the ability to distress not only the  infertile couple but also their families, resulting in 'collateral damage' that lingers long after the problem of childlessness has been resolved.

Infertility brings sadness, loss, and a variety of negative emotions. Parents must be aware that watching a sibling move through the stages of pregnancy is typically most difficult for the infertile couple. Parents faced with their children's infertility are often baffled by this crisis. It is an 'invisible' loss, and a roller coaster of emotions.

The following are suggestions and advice for friends and family members of infertile couples. ( based on Patricia Irwin Johnston's Understanding infertility for friends and family)

• Acknowledge infertility as a medical and emotional crisis with a wide variety of losses, disappointments and 'costs': physical, financial, social, and marital. Do not attempt to deny or minimize involuntary childlessness either by avoiding the topic or offering empty platitudes like "everything will be fine" or "just relax".

• Be sensitive to the pain, stress, and emotional pressure of childlessness or the inability to expand one's family as desired. Try to frequently convey care and compassion and do not 'forget' the couple over time as the months and even years of infertility drag on. Be cognizant that some junctures in the journey may be more difficult than others such as after miscarriage, failed fertility treatments or surgery that fails to produce hoped for results.

• Be supportive. Do not assume you know what supportive means to your loved one but,  instead, ask how you can be supportive. What would they find most helpful and useful?

• Emphasize the importance and value of the couple (and each partner) in the family. Encourage and welcome their involvement as a couple or individually in family events and activities. Once it occurs, infertility becomes a part of the family's history; how a family adapts and copes with the events and stress will be forever part of the family's past. Like any stressor, infertility can strain family functioning or improve it. Families need to be sensitive about the needs of the infertile  couple, particularly around a child centered family gathering. It is important that they understand the infertile couple's decision, if they choose not to come.

• Always keep the lines of communication open. It is not a good idea to hide pregnancies 'out of kindness' or not invite the infertile couple to child-centered family events; or keep secrets out of fear of upsetting the couple. Always think about how things are told, as much as what is being told: tact, kindness and privacy can go a long way to soften the blow of difficult news.

• Respect the boundaries the infertile couple  sets regarding their infertility. Some couples prefer a high level of privacy about infertility. Others choose a more open approach. When in doubt, ask the couple.

My thoughts:
I love the wording "involuntary childlessness" it's less harsh than saying  infertility. Although I would say that I (Shaylee) suffer from infertility, (namely poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and as a couple we suffer from involuntary childlessness.

The 'invisible' loss part is very true, you can't tell from looking at us that we are involuntarily childless. Which is why Joseph and I get asked about our kids or if we have any ( me at work, Joseph's dial-a-ride drivers ask) his approach is great: politely tell them it's none of their business, and inform them that we've have 4 miscarriages. But it does become more and more apparent the longer we have been married. Infertility has no set time frame we've been dealing with it most of our 6 year marriage.

Overall I did really enjoy this article, I didn't realize that out infertility or involuntary childlessness would be forever a part of our families history, it is and is even more so for us as we've chosen to be pretty open about our struggles. And we plan on being open still.

Posts soon to come

Lots of things to write about. I have some posts all written and ready to be published. I just finished reading "Heaven is Here" by Stefanie Nielson., otherwise known as the blogger NieNie. Her story is incredible and so honest, I was really touched and she was so brave to share her story, bad parts included: things she faced, and some of her darkest days. Let's be honest some of the things  she talks about in her book don't cast the best light on herself, but she still shared them as an integral part of her story.

I can be brave like NieNie, and Joseph IS brave, we're going to share our story, and talk about our life. Not everything will be happy like rainbows and butterflies, but it will be honest and truly our story, and our story is happy, sad, silly, difficult and so many other adjectives. We're doing good but everyday is a new challenge and sometimes we struggle, we'll share our shortcomings and struggles as well as our triumphs.

Posts to look forward to:
•Joseph training for 5k, in his wheelchair
•Joseph's internship and future opportunities
•Shaylee curly hair tutorial
•Infertility posts
•Blindness posts
•Our summer plans, trips we want to take
•Our animals? Why we enjoy them.

What would you like to see us blog about?
Always feel free to ask questions, we'll answer them!

Massive Update

My Cyst: Thanks for all the well wishes! I am totally recovered, it took 2 whole weeks though. Mostly because I still worked the week after the rupture, because 2 weeks without pay is not an option. (spring break included) I apologize if the ultrasounds were "graphic", heaven knows I wish that they had a baby or two instead of a cyst & fluid. I posted the ultrasounds for journal purposes & I originally got the cd to share with my OBGYN. Oh well, I lived through it, and I have proof that I am one tough lady.

Joseph's Job:  His internship ended the 1st week of May. But EnTrust negotiated to do another internship (3 months) starting in June. EnTrust is going through a HUGE transition right now, they are expanding and moving, and they want to include Joseph in the new business plan. We should know more soon & we'll know for sure by August  what EnTrust has in mind.

Elder Swanger: On mother's day he called...his last mission call. He comes home in 3 months! It's so crazy, it doesn't seem like he's been gone that long. He is no longer a trainer & district leader, Dustin says it's a blessing, that he has been praying to be released. Prayer works! LOL. Dustin is moving to Branson Missouri, he thinks it will be his last area. It was great to talk to him!

Mother's Day: As a general rule I dislike Mother's Day. This year wasn't so bad, Joseph spoke in church, he did so well! And I was able to "squish" 2 cute babies, who like me, so that make thing better, usually. Little S & I blew kisses and bounced, and L & I disrupted Cumorah Practice and played with my necklace. I hope that when Father's Day rolls around that Joseph has a day like mine.

Shaylee Work: I will be working this summer, a total of 8 weeks.. and it looks like I'll have about 20 students. I was hoping for 20 -30 so it looks pretty good so far. I will work Tuesdays and Wednesdays 10- 5:30 and have the rest of the week off...I may be looking for part-time summer work to get us through. But that's what my KeHS money is for, I'll get paid at the end of the school year and that will help tremendously.

That's it for now... we are having dress rehearsal tonight for "From Cumorah's Hill". We (Mom, Joseph & I) will be preforming that tomorrow. Recital coming up, then seminary graduation....then summer.

Pictures for your Patience

Cherry Blossom

Kitty "helping" me take pictures

T-Bone keeping me company in the backyard

6 years ago today...

I married my best friend. 

And he married me.

We're both a little weird, and that's okay.

Over the past years we've gotten to know our strengths, 

as individuals, and as a couple.

We face our challenges together, hand in hand.

We know that we are better together.

Even though we have had our fair share of struggles,

we are a team, together forever. 

We live simply. 

And we always give it our best. 

And even though it's been six years,

we still get butterflies.

We love each other, 

that's true. 

(More to come later, we've been busy celebrating, together having fun.)