**warning not for boys** it's also a touchy topic. I want to lose weight, as I'm sure a good percentage of female bloggers out there are in the same boat. I've lost sizes & mass but the scale hasn't moved much. I have done good maintaining with slim in 6. But it is time to change it up. I've bought biggest loser workout (power sculpt) I will start week 3 /6 Monday as well as swimming lessons, I'll be biking 3 days a week to the pool (1 1/4 miles) too.
I'm at a plateau; a size 10 wearing plateau. While that's a couple of sizes below the national average, it's NOT where I want to be. I want to be the size I was when I was dating Joseph, namely a 6/8. It was a good healthy size and my weight was okay- not the too much I am now. At that size I was strong and confident, just right not too small, not too big. Healthy.
I suffer from body hate. I hate on my body- it's failed me. My poor body has been through a lot though, our struggle with 4 miscarriages, surgeries and insulin resistance. I bear scars, while some are cool, and have neat stories to go with them. There are the scars I don't like & sometimes hate- the weight I gained and well my boobs. (see I told you: not for boys) They got larger with each pregnancy, I'd like to lose a significant amount of weight and at least one cup size, get back to a 36C not the 36D I am at.
Part of my weight loss goals are for our family plans. I feel that I would have a better chance at a normal or healthy pregnancy if I was at a healthier weight. I (we) are so baby hungry it makes me (us) crazy. We want a family & home of our own, so much it hurts. I'm insanely jealous of our more fertile friends and family.
That's my big motivation. My amazing husband, our plans for the future. Be Healthy. Stay Strong. Build up self-confidence that has been ravaged by infertility. As always continue to support my husband who is working his tail off to learn new skills to adapt to the new world of blindness. Speaking of skills- I am SO behind in Braille!
We have reached the end of my body-hate rant. But this has become my journal, you know.
Our summer goals:
- Break my plateau
- Shaylee: catch up in Braille
- Ride tandem bike more
- Walk/ jog puppy most days
- get a tan, freckles included (not hard, I'll be swimming soon)
- Read some good books, (read or listen)
- go camping (at least once)
- disappear together, for a day or two or three
- Joseph: find and secure internship (through DSB)
- Joseph: finish Braille classes (next week is week 6/10)
Personal, I know but I figured if I put this out there I may find more motivation. Especially if I get to post and toast my successes along the way.
-S
7 comments:
ill be joining you in the weight loss department after i have this baby! i've heard zumba classes are really fun - maybe you should check those out?!
Ditto... Ditto... and a big ditto! I can't believe I'm about to type this, BUT- Oprah had on this lady which spoke about all the horrible things we say to ourselves. She said how important it is to speak positively about ourselves. Look for the good and that will give us the desire to "fix" the bad. It's not something I had thought about.
Good luck! I know I'm certainly in the same boat!
amen, sistah! you're not alone. i'm working on the weight loss thing as well since i had lily. it's a long road - i have about 28-30 pounds more to lose. (lost 4 so far!) i get majorly discouraged just about every day. i know what you mean about the body hate thing. and i know what you mean about the wishing your chest was smaller thing. maybe our husbands like it, but man! i really don't want to have to worry about cleavage - like i used to not have to! :) i know that you are probably dealing with other body issues that come with infertility that i can't understand. my heart goes out to you.
i think your workout routine sounds great. one thing i've learned lately is that the absolute best way for a woman to lose weight is to combine aerobics with weight training. too many women are afraid of weight training - they don't understand that they won't bulk up like body builders without a TON of effort and protein shakes, etc. :) weight training helps to re-shape and tone your body. even though i'm not where i want to be yet, i feel so great when i see my arm and leg muscles getting more defined - i feel stronger and more attractive. and having muscle helps you to burn more fat/calories when you exercise. ah! so there's my little rant :) you probably already knew all that since you've been working out. anyways... :) and alyssa mentioned zumba classes - they freaking rock! i love zumba!
i've also been doing a lot of reading/thinking about body image, etc. lately. and i'm starting to feel quite passionate about the subject. like i said, i've been feeling really horrible about my body just about every day. i'm starting to see, really see, that that is not the way heavenly father wants me to view my body. (but just because i'm really starting to understand that doesn't mean that it isn't still a challenge multiple times every day not to think badly about myself!) our bodies are such gifts! there was a fantastic article in the ensign last month (i think) called, "things as they really are" by elder bednar- it was talking about computer/technology usage. but there was an awesome part where he talks about how satan and his followers are so jealous of the chance we have to have physical bodies that they tempt us to ignore and forfeit that gift of our physical bodies by becoming totally engrossed in virtual realities and not participate in "real life" and actually USE our phsyical bodies (family relationships, work, service, going outside and enjoying the beautiful world, etc.) anyways, i felt that that applied also to body image. satan tempts us to misuse our bodies in many ways - including glorifying or hating them. the line used in the talk is "worshipping the false idol of body image". it's just one of satan's tool (a powerful one for women!) because he is jealous of our physical bodies. even though they may not look perfect to us - what a gift they are! also, in my insanity about this subject (i told you i was insane) i have acutally done research about laser assisted body sculpting (laser lipo). (see i'm insane!) anyways, i was talking to eric about it and how out of this world expensive it is. he was dumbfounded and said, "you would spend $20,000 to change how you look??" it was then that i realized that i have fallen deep into the trap that satan has laid. i've totally been "worshipping at the false idol of body image". $20,000 (if we ever have that to spare! ha!) would be so much better spent helping those in need, building up the kingdom, etc. i don't think, in the end, i could look my father in heaven in the eye if i had spent the resources he'd blessed me with on something so selfish as that and neglected those in need. i don't think i'd being keeping my covenants to sacrifice, either.
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for me, i have to turn a blind eye to the women on magazine covers and in hollywood. i don't watch cable, i don't read popular magazines - its just too much for me. it makes me loathe the body i have and that is not right. those are not real women! there is such an obsession in our society with looking a certain way - it seems like the majority of the men in the world expect women to continue to look like 12 year olds their whole lives. again - not realistic - not real! real women are the ones who have scars like you from the trials of life, or tummy pooches and stretch marks from growing babies, or wrinkled, rough hands from years of service. those are real women. one thing i have come to learn lately is that our bodies are to be lived in! used! that is how we fill the measure of our creation. what good does it get you to get to the end of your life with unnaturally smooth, tanned, unwrinkled skin and a flat stomach? be healthy and strong - heck yes! (if there is anything that this excess weight has taught me, it's how important it is to exercise and be healthy so you can move your body - especially as you get older) try and be attractive and comely looking - yes!. but unnaturally obsessed with looks - no!
a week of so ago, my arm was doing this weird twitch- out thing and i was worried about it for a bit. it was just fine after a while, but it served as a silly reminder to me that i need to be grateful for what i DO have. a body that can walk. two arms (rather than just one) which make it so much easier to put my hair in a ponytail, do the dishes, or put a bib around my daughter, etc. you know what i mean? my body isn't perfect and i'm not satisfied with how it looks, but like others have said... i'm trying to focus on all the good and amazing things it CAN do.
when i complain about the way i look, eric reminds me that we want our children to have healthy body images. in 10 years, i want elena to think she is every bit as beautiful as she always says she is now :) haha... she's a crazy girl. but anyways, a major motivation for me to change the way i think (not so good at that yet) but at least talk about myself is so that my kids won't learn negative body image from me. i'm going to be their best example - if i do it, then they will. prepare for your future kids.
anyways... i've probably gotten way off the topic of what you wanted. sorry. like i said, i've just been thinking about all of this stuff a lot lately. love your body - you and it are amazing. surround yourself with people and things that will help promote a healthy body image. we have to change the way we think - get away from the poison that the world is trying to feed us about how we "should" look. you are doing a great job getting healthy - keep it up - that is the goal - being healthy! it can be a long, hard road, but you'll make it! good luck!
sorry.. the comment was too long to post all in one comment - blogger wouldn't take it :)
Yay I am not alone in my boat!
Alyssa- I did Zumba at the studio I work at but she took the summer off, so when she is back I am going to do it again (hopefully) It was so fun!
Tami- unfortunately the "fix" for weight loss isn't quick, it takes time and lots of effort , ugh!
Briana, I will have to read and re-read your comment(s) lol. and see if I missed anything. I loved it. Ditto to soo much of it.
Thanks Everybody!
Ah Shayleee. I understand your comments. I understand your feelings. Ah how I loathed my body that kept of failing me. I felt like I was given a broken piece of machinery. I remember running down our road thinking "baby, baby, baby" with each step, knowing that increased excercise can help with fertility, as does a healthy weight. Yes, I was obsessed with thoughts of a baby. But like you're friend was mentioning I had to learn how to love my body. Even though my body had failed me and failed Abe, I had to learn how to love what I have. A body that can move and play, etc.
And I so agree that a larger chest size is totally lame. I for one would never pay for a boob job!
You can do this Shaylee. You're awesome. You are a strong, powerful woman that can reach your goals.
I miss you. Good luck with all you do.
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