I wish life came with a remote, to pause or slow down life's good moments,and fast forward for the not-so-good moments. Well as life goes on I am just taking it one day at a time... and one day we'll be done with school and as W. pointed out life won't have summer and Christmas vacations anymore...that bummed me out a little but I found a positive... we will get our nights and weekends back!!!
Now time for some honesty... Infertility has dramatically changed my life as well as Joe's.I can't speak for him so here is my side. It has brought me closer to some friends and further from some. Things that used to make me happy make me cry (like holding babies, Joe and I both went over a year without holding one) I hate that I have lost contact with friends.. especially the 5 (yes 5) that are pregnant with baby #2. (Again I was pregnant with all of them during their 1st pregnancies) I am sorry for those who are pregnant and happily post pregnancy updates on your blogs, I am happy for you but it makes me hurt, so I won't visit or comment on your blogs often. Please understand. It's funny, but it is easier to be happy for my friends who are pregnant with #1 than #2.My whole body aches to be a mother but I have no desire to be pregnant right now, sometimes I feel likeif I could give Joe babies I would be a better wife, I know how much Joe wants to be a dad.
I feel like having the IUD is giving me the chance to take back control over my body and feel better about myself. And makes it easier to focus on Adoption, which is really exciting!
I don't consider myself much of a poet but this was in my head one day and I was forunate enough to be able to write it down:
I bear scars that no one can see
no one can see not even me
each day I try to be
a little bit stronger
as I kneel on bended knee
and pray a little longer
that I may fit the bill
and bend to match God's will.
little update: Joe and I do hold babies and like it now. Mostly our neighbor's son, we watch him sometimes, he's adorable and he really likes us. Joe is doing so well regarding his pills, he has better balance and is still getting more sensation back, it's wonderful. In fact he did the spud-day 5k and he did so well! I was so happy to support him by walking in it.
Sorry that was a little long and personal but I felt that I needed to share it.
-S
4 comments:
Beautiful poem. You should try and capture your feelings that way more often. I used to write poetry and then I got out of practise.
Thanks shaylee. I appreciate this post! It touches the tender and fragil parts of my heart and soul.
Shaylee, I sort of know what you mean. I have a similar issue where I'm not allowed to have a lot of children because of my medical situations. I'm blessed that I can have any, and I feel and pray for you and Joe all the time. Please don't think that having children would make you a better wife. I'm sure you are an amazing wife and Joe couldn't ask for anyone better. I'm so glad Joe is doing better! Have a good day!
Thanks for telling me about your blog! It is wonderful! I'm glad we're getting to know one another! =) Thanks for your happy personality, especially when you are having your own trials. That says something great about your character! You two are great!
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