I
don't like to blog about infertility, it's not a pleasant topic. But as much as
motherhood consumes the lives of my family and friends, my lack of motherhood
consumes mine. Infertility makes life really hard and often quite
complicated. Infertility is a nasty beast, that will chew you up and spit
you out, with no remorse. Infertility doesn't discriminate either, it doesn't
care who you are. While unpleasant, I find it healing to be able to air
my thoughts and experiences regarding infertility here on my blog, and who
knows, it make even help someone else. Which makes the unpleasantness all worth
it. I mentioned a diagnosis a while ago and I think its okay to share the story
now.
It
was a cold dark December day (December 7th, 2011 to be exact). I was in my
OBGYN's office. Suffering from an ovarian cyst, I made an appointment with Dr.
O. At the appointment I was called back quickly for an ultrasound during which
they did a lot of measuring: my uterus, uterus lining thickness, ovaries and
cysts (also counting cysts). Then I was sent back out to the waiting area, 45
minutes later I was called back into an examination room, where I waited for 2
hours (half naked!) on the table, with not so much as a nurse peeking in. I
stuck it out because I desperately needed treatment for cysts. I was almost
ready to leave when he FINALLY showed up. Dr. O performed a couple of exams,
and informed me that the cyst had already ruptured. He told me that my body
will always make cysts, I have PCOS. This is the first mention of an actual
diagnosis, I had known that my ovaries looked polycystic, but no diagnosis
could be made without closer observation (ultrasounds counting and measuring
the cysts). Dr. O then gave my 2 treatment options: actively trying to
conceive, or go onto hormonal birth control. I argued for a 3rd option:
metformin, he wasn't thrilled, but did agree to prescribe it. Metformin
is a diabetes medication that also helps PCOS patients by leveling out
hormones, which can eliminate the cysts, and help with ovulation. It's
not a well liked option, because of the side effects, but I've been on it
before so it's okay.
It
was a really rough day, because Dr. O's bedside manner severly lacked any compassion,
especially as he was slamming me with a diagnosis. To make matters worse the
appointment went so long I couldn't go home before work to clean up, so I got
into the car, called my loving hubby and totally broke down. He is an amazing
listener and helped me to calm down before driving to work, then I went and
worked like it was a normal day, feeling nasty, and having cried off all my
makeup.
FYI:
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance
of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in
the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes.
PCOS
is linked to changes in the level of certain hormones:
•
Estrogen and
progesterone, the female hormones that help a woman's ovaries release
eggs
•
Androgen,
a male hormone found in small amounts in women
It
is not completely understood why or how the changes in the hormone levels
occur. The changes make it harder for a woman's ovaries to release fully grown
(mature) eggs. Normally, one or more eggs are released during a
woman's period. This is called ovulation. In PCOS, mature eggs are not
released from the ovaries. Instead, they can form very small cysts in the
ovary.
These
changes can contribute to infertility. The other symptoms of this disorder
are due to the hormone imbalances. (Source Here)
I
am Shaylee, I have struggled with infertility for 6 years, I have PCOS. Dr.O is
terrible, I left his practice, as did my aunt who had basically the same awful
experience My husband and I desperately want to be parents, and we have
spent about $11,000 thus far, just trying to make that happen. The
injustice of it all is that people get pregnant all the time, for free! Or on "accident",
you all know it doesn't happen "accidentally", right?
I
accept and a knowledge that it will take medication to get help me get
pregnant. It will take medication to keep me from miscarrying during a
pregnancy. I am not ready to resort to medical procedures (IUI, IVF)
because we know we can get pregnant, we've done that part 4 times. A diagnosis
helps, we had gone so long without a clear diagnosis. I now have a great doctor
who is also a "piano mom" of mine, and surprisingly, it's not awkward.
First
and last.
I
am the oldest.
He
is the oldest.
We
do things first.
That's
just how it is.
First
born to first time parents.
First
to walk/ run.
First
in school.
First
stitches.
First
one taller than grandma.
First
one to drive.
First
one to serve a mission.
First
married.
First
pregnant.
All
true.
But
not the first to be parents.
Our
Best case scenario:
5th
on his side, 4th on mine.
We
don't always have to be first,
But
how will we feel if we're last?
We've
been the first
To
Deal with Multiple Sclerosis,
To
Have miscarriages,
To
Have fertility surgeries,
To
Explore adoption,
To
go blind,
And
we are still here, still intact, still surviving, still hoping.
But
how will we feel if we are last?
