A weighty topic

**warning not for boys** it's also a touchy topic. I want to lose weight, as I'm sure a good percentage of female bloggers out there are in the same boat. I've lost sizes & mass but the scale hasn't moved much. I have done good maintaining with slim in 6. But it is time to change it up. I've bought biggest loser workout (power sculpt) I will start week 3 /6 Monday as well as swimming lessons, I'll be biking 3 days a week to the pool (1 1/4 miles) too.

I'm at a plateau; a size 10 wearing plateau. While that's a couple of sizes below the national average, it's NOT where I want to be. I want to be the size I was when I was dating Joseph, namely a 6/8. It was a good healthy size and my weight was okay- not the too much I am now. At that size I was strong and confident, just right not too small, not too big. Healthy.

I suffer from body hate. I hate on my body- it's failed me. My poor body has been through a lot though, our struggle with 4 miscarriages, surgeries and insulin resistance. I bear scars, while some are cool, and have neat stories  to go with them. There are the scars I don't like & sometimes hate- the weight I gained and well my boobs. (see I told you: not for boys) They got larger with each pregnancy, I'd like to lose a significant amount of weight and at least one cup size, get back to a 36C not the 36D I am at.

Part of my weight loss goals are for our family plans. I feel that I would have a better chance at a normal or healthy pregnancy if I was at a healthier weight. I (we) are so baby hungry it makes me (us) crazy. We want a family & home of our own, so much it hurts. I'm insanely jealous of our more fertile friends and family.

That's my big motivation. My amazing husband, our plans for the future. Be Healthy. Stay Strong. Build up self-confidence that has been ravaged by infertility. As always continue to support my husband who is working his tail off to learn new skills to adapt to the new world of blindness. Speaking of skills- I am SO behind in Braille!

We have reached the end of my body-hate rant. But this has become my journal, you know.

Our summer goals:

• Break my plateau
• Shaylee: catch up in Braille
• Ride tandem bike more
• Walk/ jog puppy most days
• get a tan, freckles included (not hard, I'll be swimming soon)
• Read some good books, (read or listen)
• go camping (at least once)
• disappear together, for a day or two or three
• Joseph: find and secure internship (through DSB)
• Joseph: finish Braille classes (next week is week 6/10)

Personal, I know but I figured if I put this out there I may find more motivation. Especially if I get to post and toast my successes along the way.

-S

Biggest loser, you in?

Hey everyone. A friend of mine is having a biggest loser contest. Not a lot of people have signed on. I know a lot of us want to change something and that something being weight. So let's do it together. Cassidy has set this up and I want to help bring in more participants. Come on it'll be fun. She is even offering prizes!!

Go here

and here

and all the info is there.

-S

For those of us who are watching our what we eat...

... here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you

*giggles*

-S

Body Issues

This last semester (summer) I started off with a really bad two weeks, a doctors appointment in which we were told our baby had no heartbeat, the next week we had a D&C, a lump removed from my hand then that Sunday I ended up in the ER with gastrointeritis. Then Monday Joe got it. I had a hard semester, I worked my butt off and it paid off, my grades showed it. I noticed that I had pretty much no self esteem, I worked hard and stayed quiet in my classes and shy in percussion ensemble. This semester my percussion ensemble intructor noticed, he told me a couple days before the concert that he hadn't had to tell me to play louder this semester and I was doing good and seemed to be more confident. His comment got me thinking.

I still have a lot to deal with, I need to accept myself a little more, I accept our situation but I blame myself so much. I have absolutely no desire to be pregnant (ever at this point) I am completely okay with adopting. Being okay with this doesn't solve my body issues. I had a lot wrong with me that was fixed through surgeries, but for some reason I still miscarry. A reason unknown to us or our doctors. Getting pregnant terrifies me, because our pregnancies don't equal babies, our pregnancies all end in.... well.. death. I don't want to live being afraid of getting pregnant, and I am so tired of losing babies.

Because of all this I have had issues liking my body, it just seems to cause so much trouble. I had trouble liking my body, because of all the pregnancies with surgeries in between, I had gained a lot of weight which made me unhappy. I have been working on losing the weight and working out and it has changed my body, I have lost weight and : 2 of the 3 pant sizes that I had gained, about 6 inches from my waist, my collar bones are visible, and I have gained a ....wait for it...a butt (hee hee) I have never really had a butt before and doing squats has changed that, lol. My skinny jeans are waiting anxiously in the closet, I am so close to being able to wear them again.

But being skinnier feels great I feel like I look good and that it wonderful,the measuring tape has become my friend, but I still feel broken, my body still doesn't work the way it should. But today I found something that helped me with my body. This:

I am the hour glass shape,yes, my husband tells me I am but this chart proved it, I was more of a rectangle while I was chubby but with my shunken (and still shrinking) waistline I am an hour glass, I like this fact.
I share all this because that it has been on my mind lately and I just wanted to share it.

-S

We're still alive and kickin'

I am glad to announce that Joe and I are both better and energy levels are coming back up as well. It had us both wiped out for quite a while. I am thankful that Joe didn't get as sick as I did, but still sick enough. And luckily I had medications to help him out too,( it's so nice when drs. give you meds for nausea instead of letting you feel yucky) I just felt guilty that I was too sick to help him much more than sharing my meds.

We decided it was time to get out and do something!! We needed a date so last night we went and watched Narnia Prince Caspian, it was really good.I think it is safe to say we recommend it but it is Not really a movie for an audience under 10 years old. I realized that I really need to read the books again I was frustrated with how little I could remember, and have another series to read... after I graduate! This was the 1st time in over a year that we have gone to the theatre, unbelievable for movie-lovers like us.




We just wanted to let ya'll know how we are doing well. Just getting back into the swing of things. Some current short-term goals: I want to lose some more weight- shouldn't be too hard, I work, I bike & walk to school (about 3 miles roundtrip) and I am taking water aerobics, and Joe wants to gain the weight I am losing, he is working on it with a kettle bell (some kind of weight thingy, he could tell you more).

And we should have an adoption update for you soon!!!