When life throws you a curveball....

hit that sucker out of the park!

And lately we have been up to bat, a lot.

I hate not making solid future plans with family and friends.

The thing is, we just can't. 

We don't know what life has in store for us even a month or two in advance,

sometimes even the next week, even day to day,

so I feel guilty making plans if we'll have to break them. 

Life right now has made this absolutely impossible!

This month's example (and reason for no updates):

we had made plans to stay a few days in Spokane,

in a cute inn,

for Thanksgiving (with the Mechams and Toths),

Forgotten Carols,

Sam and Kaelee's reception.

And just some quality alone time.

We had budgeted the money and I have that week off anyway.

But we had received an email from our adoption caseworker,

 a very strongly worded email,

 about possibly closing our adoption profile.. 

it has been inactive for over a year.

 and to keep it active we would have to pay the transfer fee,

 (which happened to be the same amount we put away) 

then bust our butts to finish again. 

Now for the clincher, given our current situation we may not even be eligible anyway. 

So sent off an email back explaining that although we would love to adopt, 

but our situation is what it is,

 and it isn't going to change instantly. 

And that we understand and accept that it may make us ineligible, 

but we needed to know before we handed over the fee. 

We waited impatiently for two weeks before he got back to us, 

then he set up an appointment for two weeks later... 

giving no hint at all as to whether or not we even had a chance. 

That appointment was Thursday. 

We politely chatted with the man and when he finally asked if we had any questions, 

we had only one...

 and the answer is no. 

We are not eligible to adopt with LDSFS.

 And we're okay with that, 

but he could have told us a month ago, 

in an email!! 

We just needed an answer! 

But he did have to forward our blunt email on and up,

 to the head honchos of LDSFS to get a real answer,

 our situation being very unique. 

 He said " I felt inspired by your attitude Joseph and Shaylee. How you have accepted your blindness and are in training for full time employment. Such a healthy desire, thinking, and a beautiful attitude backed up with inspiring actions."

So we were free to go forward with our plans... almost. 

Now we wait to see if Joseph ends up having jury duty... 

which happens to fall right at the same time as our planned trip.... 

this week he doesn't have to report,

 but now we have to wait until friday to see about the week after.  

Whatever, so we already cancelled our reservations. 

 We will have to wait and see.... 

and we are getting tired of waiting.

National Adoption Month/ Day

This is the actress from my Big Fat Greek Wedding (LOVE that movie) love her, she is speaking about adoption. Amazing. YOU need to watch this!



There is another article about her HERE love it!

Here's a snippet:
" ...my husband Ian Gomez and I adopted a little girl.

...not because an adopted child seems to be the latest Hollywood must-have accessory. But because, after ten years of banging my head against the brick wall of infertility, I accepted there was another plan for me. And (cue music swell) motherhood turned out to be the most meaningful thing I've ever done with my life. Really.

It wasn't easy to adopt an American child. Actually it's quite simple, but finding out how to do it was the hard part.

I tried many routes that fell through or didn't work out. Then I waited on many lists. The phone didn't ring.

Later, I was put in touch with a lawyer who works with, how shall I put this daintily... known people in my industry, and was informed I could be put at the top of The List and "have an infant within three days." But didn't that mean I would be moving someone down the list? Someone who had waited? Yeah, wrong.

I didn't know what to do. So, I kept asking questions.

A common misconception is that to get a kid you just have to go to another country and be as pretty as Angelina Jolie. As studio executives and movie reviewers have informed me again and again -- I'm not.

So I asked -- don't we have orphanages in the States? I found out no, we don't. But we do have 500,000 kids in foster care. 129,000 are legally free for adoption and waiting for a family. I was stunned.

I realized there was simply no reason to not adopt an "older child." Why not? 129,000 legally free children with no home? In a white hot moment, I knew this was what I had been waiting for.

And now I want to write that it was really easy. But, no. No, it wasn't."


I am loving Adoption month and hoping to be a better advocate for Adoption

-S

Thank you Thank you thankyou

I reserved my spot for the FSA conference and I am so so so excited to go. When I realized that it was located so close I felt a real need to go. I am so happy that I was able to make this happen. I wish that Joe could come with me but my schedule is much easier to finagle (nice word huh?) I am going to print out some business cards with my contact info and hope to make some more amazing adoption contacts. I will attend a variety of classes on a plethora of different adoption topics and take copious amounts of notes to share with Joe and you blog readers of course.

Did I tell you I am excited?!

Thanks to all who offered me a place to stay. I am overwhelmed and grateful. I hope that Joe and I can plan a fun trip so we can see you all, I forgot how many people we know in Oregon. Lunch sometime somewhere in or near Portland anyone? (probably after the new year, we have holidays coming up so soon! Can you believe it?)

Thanks so much! :)

-S

Questions one would ask themselves about ...

Adoption

For couples considering adoption, there is a lot to think about! If you and your spouse are wondering if adoption is right for you, ask yourself the following questions, we did:

1. Do you and your spouse have similar feelings about adoption?
   

2. Are you and your spouse excited about the prospect of becoming parents through adoption?

3. Are you realistic about the joys, heartaches, struggles, and rewards that can accompany parenthood?

4. Are you ready to let go of the idea of having children through pregnancy?

5. Do you understand that adoption will not cure the pain of infertility?

6. Do you and your spouse have a solid, healthy relationship?

7. Are you ready to be a parent to a child who doesn’t have biological ties to you?

8. Can you provide a loving atmosphere in which a child may thrive?

9. Are you prepared to deal with a child’s questions and possible feelings of loss?
   

10. Are you prepared for the rigors of the adoption process?

11. Are you prepared for the possibility that adoption can result in conflicting, complicated emotions?

If you answered yes to all of the above questions, then chances are good that adoption is the right path for you!*

There are a lot of options when it comes to adoption (domestic or international, foster-to-adopt, agency adoption or private attorney adoption, trans-racial adoption, infant adoption, adoption of older children, etc.); these questions were just meant as a stepping stone to help you to decide whether or not to begin your adoption journey!

[*The above questions are from this page on ItsAboutLove.org]

A little Q & A, mostly A

Due to the plethora of Questions we've had to answer over and over... here's some Q's with the A's...

About Joseph & MS

Q: How is Joe doing?
A: Really great, considering his MS. He is a walking miracle! He works hard to make sure his MS doesn't effect him and his goals.

Q: Is Joseph currently on medication?
A: No. He was on cellcept,basically a mild form of chemo, it was pretty rough on his body. His neurologist in Idaho had us wean him off cellcept because it could cause a scary disease with no symptoms and often fatal. It took over 4 months to make the decision to wean him off & 6 months to wean him off.

Q: Does the lack of Medication cause flare ups?
A: No, not necessarily. Flare ups are the normal course of MS. Medication can help lower the severity and can sometimes reduce the number of flare ups but we do not feel like his most recent flare up was caused by lack of medication. He has been stable with no flare ups for over 4 years until this year.

Q: What are your plans for Joseph regarding medication and treatment?
A: He has an appointment on Monday with Dr. Roger Cooke an MS Specialist, in Spokane. We will see what he recommends. We have looked into LDN, Chiropractic care and others. But we will be seeing what his new neurologist has to saw regarding a course of action for Joseph's care.

About Adoption:
Q: How is the adoption going?
A: It's on pause, we've done all we need to do except pay the $500, we had it but it's gone because of down payment on our new car and paying for Joseph's treatment for his flare up. We are pausing the process because Joseph's health is more important than babies. We have every hope of getting it going again and having the $$ quickly but our money is going towards Joseph.


Any more Qs, leave a comment we are happy to answer!

All fights worth fighting...

* I fight for my family. I will fight for them always. Someday I WILL be a mother, I don't know when or what else I will need to do before that happens but I want to be ready and be the best Mommy in the world, because Joseph is going to be an amazing Daddy. To become a family we have endured miscarriages, surgeries and Adoption paperwork, bring it on...

* I fight for my husband's health. Joseph has MS, he has been stable for almost 5 years, until recently, he had a flare up (which he is almost through). I have exhausted myself fight insurance, office personal, referral delays, internet research etc etc. Now I am happy to report that Joseph has an appointment with a highly recommended MS specializing Nuerologist (mouthful huh?) in Spokane (a couple hours away) on August 31st- soonest appointment. His flare up has slowed our adoption savings down, but he is more important to me than adopting babies, seriously.

* I fight my body. Sometimes it doesn't like to listen. I had Insulin Resistance, I won that fight. Now with that gone, I can lose weight easier, I am working on it. I have a goal. I do not weigh myself, but I have a healthy size goal and getting close is so good!
*I fight for Adoption. Adoption is misunderstood, I like educating people. I like learning more. I love that adoption has been built into Heavenly Father's plan for us.

**wrist update** I am doing much better, thanks all, its just annoying when it hurts when I mow the lawn or seomthing. My Mom had a brace so I wear that when it hurts.

** Adoption update** it wasn't hard to turn down our last opportunity, really honestly. Met with our new caseworker (ours got transfered out of adoption into social work only), great great guy, we have to get $500 and he comes to the house and we're done! (We had the $$ but trading our car and Joe's flare up drained that, hey, life happens)


-S

Post #150

Congrats to the 4 people who voted for 30 days..yup no lying. Washington law is that we will have a home visit within 30 days of placement and then finalize. Sorry that's all for now.. more to come later!

-S

A good news moment for Adoption

Some of the things we learned in our meeting with our caseworker was a change, a VERY recent change in LDS FS policy. There was a 6 month wait between placement and finalization of an adoption... blanket policy, it didn't matter what state you live in that WAS the rule. Now it is according to the state... umm Washington is awesome in that respect... now to make it fun (for me at least) I am making a poll... so vote I will post the correct answer shortly. Happy Voting- no cheating!!

-S

Adoption Update.. Finally huh?

Well we had our first meeting with our Washington caseworker last night...and we L.O.V.E our case worker Jason, he's stinkin' awesome.

So I will cut to the chase...

What we need to do:
yes, we will have to pay the $500 transfer fee, not cool, but oh well. We are old college students we know how to pinch pennies 'til our fingers hurt.

Background check - child abuse neglect specific. You have to have background checks in all the states you have lived in, Jason is checking to see how extensive ours were. So worst case scenario we will both have to fill out a little paperwork and wait for it go through. Good news no fee.

Employment verification form. We counted on this one. Just a form to bring to Joseph's Human Resources lady to fill out and send in.

Update our Financial statement. Good news, this is online.. easy peasy!

We may have to do more "adoption training" as to meet Washington State law... checking on that one... see if our adoption classes qualify.

So overall not too bad...the $$ not good... you'll see why in the next post.

**News Flash**

We are so totally impressed with our Washington caseworker(s) already. The minute they got our paperwork sent to them they were in contact with us, we talked to them again today and have an appointment: June 4th 8pm!! yup! And it's in town! Score! So happy, our new caseworker is more on top of things than our last one(s), they weren't bad at all, but a little scatter-brained for me. Hopefully things go as smoothly as they did for us in Idaho, fingers crossed. Once we know what we will need to do to get approved in Washington, we will print and distribute our adoption cards. We really want to be parents! So keep spreading the word. I am so impressed and humbled by how far spread the word is already and I am not shy about telling people here that we are hoping to adopt! It wasn't easy at first, but now it's just part of being us.

-S

USA Today, positive adoption article

This was a great article it is so good that there is some good press out there for adoption.

click here

Thanks to Mrs. R for the links!

-S

P.S.
Another good one, click here

A "Rainbow" Family

This is something we would love! No, not to be "Bradgelina" but we are open to transracial adoption. And if we adopt a child of an ethnicity other than our own we have every intention of adopting again, we want a multi-racial family.
It would be a beautiful thing.

-J&S

Happy Birth Mother's Day

-S

A whole new world

Life without school is totally a whole new world to us. We're here in Washington safe and sound. We had a late start leaving Rexburg and it had been REALLY long week. And believe it or not we made money moving! Yup, it's crazy and it was very stressful but we did it. We decided to stay in a hotel in Boise on the way over and it was such a good decision, thank goodness for cell phones with a mother hooked up to internet to find us a place we could stay cheap.

Highlights from our adventures:
* the tarp kept coming up and eventually was totally shredded when we arrived in Kennewick
* a friendly patrolman stopped and checked on us when we were pulled over adjusting our luggage.
*watching/ listening to movies the whole way, it makes the trip go by faster
* seeing a highspeed chase in Oregon, a lady in a red car and 5 police officers in persuit.
* sleeping at super 8 in Boise, the sensation of falling asleep as your head hits the pillow
* missing the last exit into Kennewick because of a phone call from our case worker. yup that was fun.

Now that we are in Washington:
* Sunshine on my shoulders...everywhere everyday
* I see trees of green, red tulips too...
* it's warm, warm enough to wear only one or two layers of clothes
* my doggie, oh how I missed Cookie!
* sleeping, sleeping in
* feeling like we are on vacation, slowing getting back to life
* S has a job offer, to be a paid accompanist at Kennewick High, and an offer to teach swimming lessons with YMCA this summer... waiting to decide because of adoption.
* J is playing "phone tag" with his Lithia contact
* babysitting Abrie, cute 5 yr old cousin, my sides still hurt, it was so much fun.
* NO SCHOOL
* playing mario kart on the wii

Basically we are taking a little time to recooperate from the last few weeks of stress and work and moving. Things are great, we feel so good about being here and we are so happy to be here and out of Rexburg... did I mention that it snowed and hailed and was just darn cold while we packed?! We love being somewhere that it actually feels like spring, even if it makes me sneeze!

Adoption Update: We have had 48 views on our adoption profile with LDS Family Services. That has kept our spirits high, we hope life settles out, and we'll be parents soon.

-S

The Red Envelope Project

Why red?

The envelopes represent the innocent blood shed through abortion. This campaign is a symbolic act to flood the mail with red. The more we send, the more powerful this symbol will be.

Why March 31?

Although that date was chosen arbitrarily by Brian Potter when he created Red Envelope Day, it also reinforces the symbolism of blood. The envelopes will be arriving near the beginning of Holy Week, just prior to the start of Passover. I don’t think it is a coincidence that these arrive so near the annual remembrance of the Passion and Death of Christ.

Where do I send them, and will empty envelopes be delivered?

The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington D.C. 20500.

As long as you have proper postage, federal law requires the delivery of all mail. Messages on the outside of an envelope will not hinder their delivery. Although empty envelopes may not be opened, they will be delivered.

What organization is behind the Red Envelope Project?

This movement is a true grass roots phenomenon. There is no entity behind this project other than the thousands of men, women and children that have volunteered their time, money, and effort to be involved. The Red Envelope Project has spread largely through emails and word of mouth.

Brad Miller created Red Envelope Project, and his effort was the first to count the envelopes sent. Red Envelope Day was started by Brian Potter.

Do you really think that this will make a difference?

Yes. But not because it is an effective form of protest. I am astounded at the response so far. The fact that it has brought so many people together, encouraged them, and also changed a few hearts along the way is exciting.

Do I think it will change the President? I don’t know. (Although, from my math, the White House should be receiving at least 20,000 red letters daily).

Ultimately though, this is about the war of ideas. These red envelopes in the mail are igniting a lot of folks to think about the value of life. If a new generation can begin to care about life, we are going to win the war of ideas. I think the red letters have done this.

Doesn’t Responsibility begin BEFORE conception?

Absolutely. Lots of folks seem to be bothered by that last line. I think a lot of people are over thinking it all. This line is a reference to the President’s inaugural address, in which he called Americans to begin creating a culture of responsibility. Part of this culture was not taking innocent life, according to the new President. As you may know, the next day his actions spoke otherwise. Sadly, either a lot of people weren’t listening, or didn’t understand.

***I took this from the red envelope project's website. Yes, I participated, I have a red envelope out there on it's way to the president. I think that this was an interesting way to peacefully protest abortion. I am pro-life, the only time I would agree that abortion is an option would be rape and if the lives of both mother and child are at risk. Other than that it is senseless murder. There are other options, best of all is abstinence, sex comes with consequences! Another is adoption which of course I am so pro-adoption!****

-S

Counting

We're counting down the days until graduation!!! 10 days!!
We're counting the number of visits our adoption profile has had so far! 13!!
We just need to get through the next couple of weeks with school and work and packing, we can do it!

APPROVED!!!

WE ARE APPROVED TO ADOPT!!!!
GOT THE PHONE CALL TODAY AND WE ARE MEETING OUR MAIN CASE WORKER TOMORROW MORNING!!!! WOO HOO!!
WE ARE SO EXCITED! :)

Adoption, this is what it is all about

This is a slide show, narrated by a Birth Mother, it is beautiful. Check it out, it's only 4 minutes long.

http://www.billingsgazette.net/multimedia/interactive/?id=2330

-S

Woah!!!!

We had our last interview before being approved to be adoptive parents today!!! It was great, yes we were nervous! Our caseworker is coming to our house tomorrow to check it out and make sure a baby would be safe in our house, etc. And our caseworker is pushing to have us included in their staff meeting where they evaluate the couples and approve them!!! AAAaaaahhhh! I am so excited!!

Our caseworker even joked that it would be funny for us to have a baby placed with us before we move in 3 weeks! haha. He says it is possible, not probable... what a thing to say to us! I thought it was funny though!

The infertility post....

I put up the last post because it was helpful for us. We were given this info forever ago and I came across it in an adoption blog and I thought it might be helpful to put here. I can look back and see how we have gone through this stages, and while in the midst of it we had to keep starting over. We started over and over again because we lost pregnancies so close together and underwent medical procedures and we were in school. Goodness!

I have been working on transferring my adoption journal over into an actual journal. (it was a notebook that is falling apart) So I have literally seen how we were in each stage of Grief and Infertility. I think that we are both in a much much better place and have enjoyed our time that we have given ourselves to heal and to explore and prepare for adoption. We still have tough moments but I won't burst into tears when a friend announces a pregnancy true story, but there are moments when I still feel the loss. So bear with us, we are still learning and growing.

-S